


The Flea-Bag 'I Don't Want To Be Stabbed' System

by LunariDay



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Izaya Orihara not really being Izaya Orihara, Izaya freaking out over everything because hes not really izaya but hes trying, M/M, Roppi becomes Izaya, Transmigration, Very much canon being ignored, future shizaya, shizuo being confused over izaya tbh, the scum villain self saving system au no one asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 13:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunariDay/pseuds/LunariDay
Summary: Roppi hated durarara!! so really, why did he get stuck in this shitty book series?!...in which, a durarara fan, dies and gets stuck in the body of izaya orihara. he has one shot to fix the ending and get the one he wants, but really, when shizuo comes around, he's a disaster because shizuo was ALWAYS his favorite character......to bad everyone thinks it's a crush......it might be.
Relationships: Harima Mika/Yagiri Seiji, Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kida Masaomi/Mikajima Saki, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson, Ryuugamine Mikado/Sonohara Anri
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a self-indulgent, svsss au. fight me or enjoy this

Roppi hated Durarara!! for all it’s worth.

Not to say, he wasn’t a fan, of course. It was just, after reading through each novel, excitedly waiting for this big showdown between the two characters, Shizuo and Izaya, Roppi was expecting something more… _intense_. Something like one of them _dying_. Not for Vorona to step in and basically save Izaya’s ass from being pummeled to death and Shizuo just….not doing anything else. All this build-up, for what?! Nothing!

He cursed it as much as he could curse when his stomach was souring, twisting in a very bad way that made him want to vomit after eating old, expired ramen… Roppi didn’t know it was bad, and he didn’t even know ramen could go bad! Fuck, fuck everything! In the end, while he sat there, cursing the terrible ramen and the terrible ending of Durarara!!, he could only wearily make out his toilet before his vision swam black…

...before it lit up a bright array of blues and whites, a screen pressed against his face like he was back on his computer. Roppi blinks, trying his damned hardest to make out what the words were before him, before a voice, almost like SIRI, began speaking.

【Activation Code: Shitty Ending, system on!】

_Huh…?_

【Welcome, new user! As per your dying wish, ‘they deserved a better ending!’, this system would like to help you achieve it! 】

_…is this a trick?_

【Nope.】

_…_

【This system hopes you can achieve the best possible ending for this ‘piece of shit novel’! We will be here to help you every step of the way!】

There were words on the tip of his tongue, all before Roppi heard a faint voice calling out. The world around him fizzled out, and he was left, blinking at the world around him. Suddenly, he wasn’t at home anymore, no toilet in front of him and no sickly feeling in his stomach…

...where _was_ he…?

“Onii-chan...we’re hungry.” 

_Whose your onii-chan…?_

…It takes Roppi another moment, Onii-Chan, to fully understand that he really wasn’t in front of his toilet. No, he was on a bed...much cleaner than his original bed, to be honest. His head swam, somewhat dizzily, and it took another moment before he could truly sit up. When he does, his gaze settles onto the one who called him big brother so sweetly. His brows shot up before he could stop himself! The girl in front of him was...not his sister.

...no, his own sister had freckles all over her face and usually scowled like she just heard something distasteful. No, this none other than Mairu! Mairu Orihara, to be exact. Well, she looked a little more irritated than the pictures of her that he’s seen online...but in the end, those huge glasses and braids only proved it. But...she called him… _Onii-Chan_ …

…had Roppi…

…transmigrated…?

…these thoughts hurt his head.

_Eh...did I...die?_

【Yes!】

Fuck! That stupid SIRI-Voice was back! He winced despite himself, and Mairu Orihara made a face at him like _she_ was offended.

‘ _If I died…._ ’ Roppi thinks, internally speaking to the SIRI-Voice, _‘....is this my hell?_ ’

【...This system told you, you had a chance of fixing the ending to Durarara!!. This is your only chance.】

‘ _...so that means...once I do, I can go back home?_ ’ 

The voice was silent, and his shoulders sank. Mairu was still staring at him, blinking up with those very big eyes that made him slightly uncomfortable. He always thought she was a bit...creepy, compared to the other girl, Kururi. But the twins had never really been his favorite character. His favorite had been _Shizuo Heiwajima_. Which only made him bitter over the ending again…

...wait.

...if Mairu was calling him _Onii-Chan_ …that…

...that meant, he was none other than that flea-bag, Izaya Orihara!

The panic must’ve been evident on his face because Mairu jolts back.

“Eh? All I said was that...we were hungry…”

“Uh...” What to say? Roppi was so shocked, that, he didn’t know what to do at all. He had never really read transmigration novels because they just never interested him. But now, here he was, transmigrated into freaking Durarara!! As the most annoying character, Izaya Orihara! 

“Izaya-Nii! Feed us!”

Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in the back of his head, vision swimming before a bright screen danced across his vision. 

【System officially unlocked! Binding your role as the Information Broker: Izaya Orihara! Starting points: 100!】

‘ _...points…?_ ’

【Yes! These points will grow over every action and interaction! If you were to ever reach zero, you will be punished.】

That didn’t sound pleasant…

【And reaching below zero will send you back to your true world.】

...but in that world...now thinking about it, he was already dead, wasn’t he? The thought made Roppi--now officially, Izaya Orihara, feel empty. But further thinking about it, maybe he could do differently than the original Izaya Orihara? Maybe! He could actually not get involved with Celty! Maybe he could be friendly with Shizuo Heiwajima---

A sudden ache burns at his chest, and Izaya groans softly, fingers reaching to his chest. 

【Danger! Danger! Danger! Those thoughts are considered **OUT OF CHARACTER**! You are not allowed to change Izaya Orihara’s character until you have reached the amount of points needed!】

That...sounded terrible. Izaya’s plans went flying out the window, along with his hopes and dreams of not being stabbed by Vorona in the future. 

‘ _...How many points do I need?’_

Unhelpful, the System remained silent and Izaya was left staring at his sister who was growing more and more irritated over his silence. 

“Feed yourself.” He says, and when the voice doesn’t say his points are deducted, he feels somewhat happy but bitter that he was already starting out with such a terrible interaction. However, Mairu only rolled her eyes at him, and the young girl pushed away from the bed and…

…oh. She was a lot younger than he originally thought! Did that mean…

Izaya glanced at his hands, there were small scars but not enough for someone who dealt with switchblades for all his life. Even then, his fingers were still smooth and soft, and there were no rings…Did that mean…?

…he was a teenager again?!

System! What bullshit was this?! He had to go through school again?!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longer updates starting next chapter. where izaya goes to school uvu

It's hard for Izaya to get used to his new life.

When he was _Roppi_ , he was happy to just sit back and read novels. The most he did was sit at home, away from people and just indulge himself in the online world. He was a hardcore otaku, who truly hated people...but in the end, he was now someone who _loved_ humans! It was like karma wanted to watch him suffer over how mean he was about the ending of Durarara!!.

It took a bit, after harassing the System about what he was supposed to do and how he was supposed to get more points before Izaya realized he truly was back in the point of... _middle school_. He was afraid he would have to go through terrible puberty again, and honestly, he didn't want to deal with it. On the other hand, Izaya also knew this would be when he met Shinra...

'System, is it wrong to not be friends with Shinra? Izaya was pretty introverted in middle school...'

【...】

Izaya made a face as he paced in his room. After breakfast, he knew he should be trying to get ready for school, but his mind was all muddled trying to figure everything out. He didn't dislike Shinra perse, the character was pretty interesting. A man who loved a Celtic fairy tale and would do anything for her... 

...but even Roppi knew that Shinra was the start of Izaya's twisted ideals! Only wanting to be friends because of Celty...

'It won't be wrong of me to just continue ignoring him, right?'

【The mission goal is to reach the first arc!】

'First arc...' Which had to be...Mikado's arc? 'That's so far away...' 

Izaya pressed his hands to his head and tried not to scream. At least the System let him have private freak-outs without claiming he was being 'OOC'. This was one of the few times he could actually just think, alone. Without his sisters peering at him, especially after this morning. The longer he thought about it, the more his head began to hurt so badly. Sitting on his bed, Izaya flopped onto the mattress.

Being introverted....that wasn't so hard, considering Roppi was always to himself. Izaya knew he could do that easily. But to be friends with Shinra--well, the system wasn't saying he had to do that. But he had to hit the first arc, which was years away. Did that mean the system was giving him time to build up a rep without having to deal with all the terrible things Original Izaya had done? Turning to his side, he pressed a hand to his throbbing head.

'Hello? System?! Help a guy out...' Izaya whines.

【This System has set it up for you to gain points! Without the original Shizuo Heiwajima attacking you whenever you step into Ikebukuro!】

That made sense.

A young Izaya didn't have much besides a gambling ring, which he didn't have _yet_ , and the backing of a yakuza that was pretty fragile. In fact, he wouldn't be meeting Shizuo until high school, and by then, Izaya wondered if he could just easily make friends with the guy. But Shizuo hadn't been fond of Izaya...

....but their relationship started off so shittily...

Even Roppi knew the fanfiction of _Shizaya_ was so popular! He could recall finding one that went back in a way that had Izaya and Shizuo being friends before anything, and even that still had Izaya being a bit of a douchebag. Maybe...

....

'Am I really thinking that?! This isn't some BL!'

【...】

'System, your silence is very concerning...'

【As long as you don't fall to zero points, you can do anything!】

'...when can I unfreeze the OOC...?' He really didn't think he could handle being the real Izaya for so long. Even if he had 'died' and came into this world, he was Roppi! Just now, Roppi named _Izaya_ , and his true personality was one that wanted an easy life! Thank you very much.

【Once you reach five hundred points!】

He promptly screamed into his sheets.

【Danger! Danger! Danger! Fifty points deducted for OOC behavior! Izaya would never scream!】

Fuck you system! Izaya talked to himself about loving humans, what do you mean he wasn't allowed to scream?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> current points: 50


End file.
